The summer movie season is fast approaching (not that any of us in the Northeast would know it, from this persistent-ass winter weather). This means we must begin the tiresome enterprise of winnowing the wheat from the chaff, and figuring out which movies we should be getting excited about, and which movies should have us measuring our expectations. Yet the summer movie season always has movies that inspire excitement and trepidation in equal measure. The ones that could really go either way: they could be epic or a disaster. A blockbuster or just a regular old bomb. The best or the worst.
So those are the films I’m going to be looking over with this list. Not the ones that seem like slam dunks (Guardians of the Galaxy!), but the ones that seem to have an equal likelihood of being a hit or a miss. You know, like a turn at Battleship. (The game, not the summer movie that bombed a few years back. Although that might be the first time Battleship: The Movie has ever been relevant to something I’ve written that didn’t begin with “The Very Worst of…”).
Let’s get to it!
(In no particular order, because much like in the world of George Orwell, order creates its own kind of chaos.)
Credit: Paramount Pictures
HERCULES: THE THRACIAN WARS
Given his physique and overall charisma, casting Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson as the titular son of Zeus really isn’t the worst idea in the world. This movie, not to be confused with the Kellan Lutz clunker Hercules: The Legend Begins from back in January, Hercules tasks the legendary Greek hero with overcoming the Twelve Labors, a series of (pardon the pun, but it’s necessary) herculean chores such as slaying the Hydra, and obtaining the girdle of Hippolyta, Queen of the Amazons. Honestly, I don’t like his odds of avoiding “death by snu-snu.”
BEST: So here’s why this might end up being fantastic. First of all, it’s The Rock. Given the overall decay of action movies, in which they’ve all been mashed down in a trash compactor into one bland, uniform cube of gunmetal grey, it’s kind of heartening to see that we still have at least one legitimate action movie star who inspires memories of a better era for action pics. Days when you could just say Schwarzenegger, Stallone, or Willis, and know that your friends would be down to chip in for a ticket that weekend. Not that I’m necessarily saying The Rock is of comparable bad assery, but he has a natural charisma that his contemporaries in the action genre don’t really match (Liam Neeson notwithstanding). He’s very much a throwback action star, and he’s been pretty good as of late in picking decent action scripts. Basically, this looks like a cross between Conan the Destroyer and a live-action God of War movie. And for that reason alone, I’m struggling to think up reasons to bet against it…
WORST: …except that Brett Ratner is directing, meaning the success of this movie will depend entirely on which Brett Ratner shows up. Is this the Brett Ratner who gave the world the first two Rush Hour movies? Or is it going to be the Brett Ratner who birthed X-Men: The Last Stand and Rush Hour 3? Given how deceptively awesome some of the trailers are for his movies, it’ll be hard to know until you’re sitting in a darkened theater, elbow-deep in smuggled snacks, because $9.50 for a small popcorn is outrageous.
HERCULES: THE THRACIAN WARS hits theaters on July 25th.
Credit: Lionsgate
THE EXPENDABLES 3
Of course, no sooner do I go off on a rant about how we have no new action stars in the mold of the classic manly-men of old, do I come to The Expendables 3, which is populated almost entirely by a blessing of badasses.
BEST: Seriously, that cast though. Arnold Schwarzenegger, Sylvester Stallone, Jason Statham, Jet Li, Dolph Lundgren, Terry Crews, Randy Couture, Rhonda Rousey, and that’s without even getting into the newcomers: Mel Gibson, playing a former Expendable gone rouge, Harrison Ford as the group’s new handler, and Antonio Banderas and Wesley Snipes rounding out the cast. In short, don’t take your date to this one. There’s so much testosterone in this, she might grow an extra “extremity” simply from being in the same theater.
WORST: Yet while all that action is great, and the cast seems like it’s stocked with potential for some really fun scenery-chewing, the second Expendables alienated some viewers by refusing to play the action/drama straight. In adopting a lighter, more self-aware tone, The Expendables franchise became a campy, self-referential window into 80s action movie nostalgia, as opposed to a forthright send-up of the genre. From all appearances, The Expendables 3 will be following the more raised-eyebrow, tongue-in-cheek style of the second movie, moving it farther away from the relative seriousness of the first (again, relative seriousness. The first movie wasn’t exactly Hamlet or anything). So whether you’ll enjoy The Expendables 3 will likely depend on whether you like your action/drama played straight, or if you like a little (or a lot) of wink-and-nudge camp value thrown in. I suppose it also depends on your general fondness for the tropes and films the movie is sending up, but I don’t think the movie will be so couched in 80s nostalgia that it would be impenetrable to modern, younger audiences. And hey, even if it’s not, forget’em! There’s a good chance this one will be rated R anyway.
THE EXPENDABLES 3 hits theaters on August 15th.
Credit: Troublemaker Studios
SIN CITY: A DAME TO KILL FOR
After what felt like the better part of a lifetime, the Sin City sequel is finally something we might actually get to see in our lifetime. Of course, the problem with nearly ten years of delays is that hardly anyone outside of the most hardcore fans of the original will give a damn about the inevitable sequel. But Sin City: A Dame to Kill For already has a lot going for it, including a vibrant cast of new additions such as Josh Brolin, Eva Green, and Joseph Gordon-Levitt. In short, there’s a very real chance this could prove to be worth the wait.
BEST: Not many films before or since Sin City have been able to capture such a provocative, stylized tableaux of violence and depravity. It isn’t just that the film so elegantly rendered Frank Miller’s graphic novels on the big screen, but rather that the film captured the spirit and mood of those books, as well as the sinister atmosphere, the feelings of ill-portent and constant danger, the iniquity and minor beacons of hope for the hopeless. In short, it was stylized violence, but it was in service of creating a world that, while black-and-white, was every bit as vivid and colorful as our own. Basically, the best evidence we have for this movie being awesome is 1) how long it took to make, and 2) the first movie.
WORST: By the same token, the best evidence we have for this movie being a trainwreck waiting to happen is 1) how long it took to make, and 2) the first movie. If you loved Sin City, I can’t imagine a scenario in which this would disappoint you, and yet, if you didn’t care for the original film, I sincerely doubt this movie is going to change your mind. It’s more of the same: the stylized violence, the noir atmosphere drenched in malice aforethought, and a story filled with people you may not ever have cause to particularly like. More troubling still has been the long-gestating production. Sure, you could easily wave away concerns by saying Robert Rodriguez and Frank Miller were busy doing their own things. And hey, Frank Miller did have to whip up two new original stories for the film. But nine years? It feels like the hype has basically written a check the film has no hope of cashing, given how long fans have been chomping at the bit for this sequel. Of course, this would be to ignore the old adage that good things come to those who wait. With any luck, the patience of ardent fans will be rewarded with a memorable noir thriller. But even in the best case scenario, I’m not so sure casual fans/the uninitiated will find much to latch onto here.
SIN CITY: A DAME TO KILL FOR opens August 22nd.
Credit: Marvel Entertainment
THE AMAZING SPIDER-MAN 2
Andrew Garfield is back as the wise-crackin’ web-slinger, and Emma Stone is bleaching her hair to crack wise at his side as Gwen Stacy. They’re joined by an impressive array of newcomers, including Jaime Foxx as Electro, Dane DeHaan as Harry Osborn, Paul Giamatti as Rhino, and Chris Cooper as Norman Osborn.
BEST: One of the great things about The Amazing Spider-Man was how it split the difference between “comic book” and “action movie,” adopting a tone that was very reminiscent of a comic book while integrating it into the world of an action blockbuster. It felt vibrant and correlative to the comic books in a way Sam Raimi’s trilogy didn’t, in some ways. Plus, I’d argue this has a better cast than the previous trilogy: not only is Stone a far more compelling love interest, but Garfield is a much better Peter Parker, even if he doesn’t convey nerdiness as naturally as Tobey Maguire. But beyond all this, the film just plain looks spectacular. Maybe the visual effects department bit off a bit more than they could chew, but I’d never be able to tell it from the trailers and TV spots. The film has a bright, colorful palette that is visually exciting to behold, even if the effects aren’t always convincing. It looks like a big screen comic book, and I imagine the tone of the movie will match.
WORST: Of course, as with any sequel, your enjoyment of the first installment will weigh heavily on whether you enjoy this new one or not. However, you would have plenty of cause to doubt the likelihood that this will be solid, at least from a story perspective: the presence of no less than three villains (Electro, Rhyno, and maybe Green Goblin) recalls nightmarish flashbacks to Sam Raimi’s Spider-Man 3, in which Venom, Sandman, and the “New Goblin” cluttered the screen and made a mess of an already hackneyed story. I just have no idea how this script is going to service this many villains in just two hours of screentime. Worse, the pre-announcement of two more sequels means that screenwriters James Vanderbilt, Alvin Sargent, and Steve Kloves might not feel obligated to, preferring to merely introduce certain characters here for a later reappearance in a possible Sinister Six story down the line. Basically, the idea that this is a set-up movie for the next two could be enough to sink it right out the gate. Not that it necessarily will, but I could see audiences passing on this and simply waiting for Netflix/Redbox. And given the potential for an overstuffed narrative with inadequately fleshed-out characters, they might not be wrong to.
THE AMAZING SPIDER-MAN 2 opens May 2nd.
Credit: Warner Bros.
JUPITER ASCENDING
The latest film from the Wachowski siblings is a sci-fi/fantasy adventure in which Mila Kunis cleans toilets in Russia before discovering, from Channing Tatum of all people, that she may hold the key to being the next leader of the universe. Of course, she doesn’t know Tatum was sent to kill her by the current, reigning Queen of the Universe. But I suppose they’ll just have to find a way to make it work, pregnancy by Ashton Kutcher notwithstanding.
BEST: Beyond its distressingly vague premise, Jupiter Ascending actually sounds like a hell of a movie: Kunis is a janitor with “perfect” DNA, which makes her a threat to the Queen of the Universe, while Tatum is half-wolf/half-human/all-albino who was genetically engineered by the military; then you’ve got Sean Bean as a Han Solo of sorts, and Terry Gilliam in a role that allegedly pays homage to his iconic 1985 film, Brazil. The film also looks like a million bucks, featuring tight action setpieces, and propulsive, energetic, entirely-digital cinematography from John Toll (Iron Man 3, a negative to some, a positive to others). The film also looks to be the home to some striking production design, as I’m getting slight Fifth Element vibes from this world. I know looks aren’t everything, but when you’re trying to craft a memorable sci-fi universe, image is half the battle.
WORST: The last several films from the Wachowskis have been divisive not just among critics but among the public as well. Speed Racer didn’t really deliver, and Cloud Atlas split audiences down the middle. So it becomes a question of whether the Wachowskis are able to reign in their impulses for excess, and are instead able to deliver a modern techno-fable of the caliber of the first Matrix. There’s really no reason they shouldn’t be able to, given their competency as directors, and the ambition of their vision. But will the film become mired in the same philosophical jargon that weighed down the last two Matrix movies? Will the movie privilege stylized action over incisive storytelling? Here’s hoping the Wachowskis opted for a simple story, well-told, with shades of complexity underneath the surface.
JUPITER ASCENDING opens July 18th.
Credit: Legendary Pictures
GODZILLA
The latest attempt to make Godzilla an American thing features Emmy winner Bryan Cranston, Oscar winner Juliette Binoche, and future Quicksilver/Scarlet Witch Avengers duo Aaron Taylor-Johnson and Elizabeth Olsen. But from the looks of things, the movie appears to be taking a Cloverfield-esque, less-is-more approach to actually revealing the titular monster. It’s led to trailers that have been far eerier than I would have expected an American Godzilla movie to be, focusing far more on the fear surrounding this incomprehensible threat than on the actual monstrosity itself.
BEST: Seriously though, director Gareth Edwards made the right call in bathing so much of Godzilla in shadows and clouds and other obstructions, since it allows our minds to fill in the rest of the horror. Inevitably, when the monster finally appears, it’ll be a moment that makes Godzilla feel arguably more real than he ever has, as the trailers alone have gone a long way in making the creature seem like a palpable, vivid existence in our world. It’s to the point where I’m not even sure the film needs to have a coherent story to really work. For instance, Cloverfield benefited from being a movie whose story was largely incoherent and cloaked in mystery, since the general lack of knowledge about what was happening and why made things far more unsettling than any exposition dump ever could have. I’m sure the script, by Max Borenstein from a story by David Callaham, will flesh out the human characters and mostly use them as our lens through which Godzilla will be experienced. But I don’t know that the movie needs them to be much more than that. This is an event movie, pure spectacle. If it delivers on those terms alone, I think it’ll be a success, since it already looks outstanding from a pure visual standpoint (the bleak, doomsday nature of the cinematography has me more pumped than the brief glimpses we’ve gotten of Godzilla, actually). But if it also manages to tell a story that makes great use of its cast, then it could end up being the best movie of the summer. Or at least the most memorable.
WORST: But that’s a big-ass “if.” There’s a reason Pacific Rim didn’t do all that well last summer, and I’d argue it’s from general “disaster movie fatigue,” as audiences didn’t really come out in droves to watch their favorite landmarks get blown up or destroyed (White House Down). Basically, the times have changed, and monster movies have sort of fallen to the wayside in favor of smaller-scale actioners like the Fast & Furious movies. Sometimes, it’s just about bringing a crook to justice. It doesn’t always have to be about the end of the world. Basically, the decision to lean on destruction, and all the bombast that said destruction entails, could be a mistake that sinks the franchise before it even gets off the ground, since such a movie can be an exhausting exercise. I also imagine the film will divide audiences on a story level: too much with the humans, and you get the fans wondering why we’re following these people around when all anyone really wants to see is Godzilla; show too much Godzilla, and there will be audiences wondering where the heart/story/motivation is, and also asking why you’d go through the trouble to get Bryan Cranston if you’re not going to actually use him. It’s almost a lose-lose situation for the film, not that this Godzilla was ever going to please everybody anyway.
GODZILLA releases on May 16.
So those are my picks! What do you think? Which of these movies have the most potential to be great? Which are likely to be lousy? And overall, which movies are you most excited for this summer? Sound off in the comments!
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